September Love Read online

  “Well, first thing, I was served with papers. He hadn’t said a word about divorce. It came just out of the blue. And he demanded custody of Becky. That hit me hard. I wasn’t that terrible a mother. Anyhow, he moved out and took Becky with him.”

  “He took your child?” Beth went cold. What an awful thing to happen to any mother.

  “Just like that. He was gone. Leaving me with nothing. I wasn’t working then. I couldn’t even pay the rent. They went to live with his sister, Nell. She was over the moon with joy when he dumped me. Nell and I never did get along. Anyway, his lawyer told him he had to get Becky into a better home situation. Like I wasn’t a good mother.”

  “What in the world did you do?”

  “Sobered up. Got a job. Got a lawyer. What else could I do? But I couldn’t afford much. I think he was, like, six months out of law school. I guess he did his best, but I lost custody of Becky. Frank got his divorce, and was no longer responsible for my debts, stuff like that. Then they fixed me good. Frank got custody of Becky and demanded child support, knowing that I probably couldn’t pay it. And—owing him all that money—I don’t even dare to try to see Becky.”

  “I don’t understand a woman having to pay child support,” Beth said uncertainly. What a horrible story! “How terrible that you can’t even see your own child.” Even for a haphazard mother like Kayla that must be very difficult for her.

  “Welcome to the real world, Beth. He and his sister really socked it to me. I had a history of working, of holding a job. Time when only men paid child support is past history. Women are more than half the workforce now. And when divorce happens, more and more fathers are given custody. So, get it? Whichever parent doesn’t have custody pays the other one child support. Lots of women pay child support to husbands now.”

  “But why couldn’t you just see Becky?”

  “You still don’t get it. They did it on purpose. Knowing my problems, they figured I could never pay up. So if I don’t pay, I don’t see my kid. It’s that simple. They wanted me out of Becky’s life—I was a bad influence. Okay, I’m out of Becky’s life.” There was infinite bitterness in Kayla’s voice.

  “Well, do you— Do you know how much you owe?”

  Kayla shrugged hopelessly. “Have you got a calculator? It’s been five and a half years. I paid some, but I never could keep up. Especially after I married Mitch and Adam came along. Then Mitch died…”

  Her voice trailed off and her gaze was fixed on something in the far distance, but Beth knew she wasn’t really seeing. What a dismal mess poor Kayla had made of her life.

  “Please don’t tell Dad,” Kayla said, seeming to come back to the present.

  “Oh, Kayla, I really don’t like to keep things from Doug.”

  “But I don’t want him to know. He’ll think he has to pay it. But first he’ll get mad and yell at me.”

  “I can’t imagine Doug yelling at anybody.”

  “Well, you never pushed him as far as I have,” Kayla said simply.

  “Really, I don’t want him to know. At least, not yet,” she added, and Beth knew Kayla could see the reluctance in her face.

  Beth and Doug had been open and honest with each other. Keeping secrets from him, especially about his own daughter, was dishonest. They were already at odds about Kayla’s “problem.” She didn’t want to complicate their relationship any further.

  “All right,” Beth said after a moment. “But just for now. You really must tell him yourself. And soon, please.” That was the best she could do. Kayla was vulnerable, but she was trying. Beth disliked adding stress to Kayla’s makeshift life by putting any more pressure on her, but the line had to be drawn somewhere.

  They left to resume their shopping, but for Beth the pleasure had gone out of it. Their curfew for getting home was three-thirty since check-in time for new guests was four. They found Doug had gotten home before them. He was carrying suitcases up the stairs for the expected Mr. and Mrs. Crandall from Fresno.

  Doug was in high spirits, and well he might be. He hadn’t baby-sat Kayla all day. When the Crandalls had settled in, he joined them in the bed-sitter with Adam. Beth felt her heart soften. Doug was Doug, the love of her life.

  She had felt sand under her shoes when they came in. Next Tuesday they’d really need the cleaning service in here, whether Adam wanted it or not.

  “Adam loved the beach,” Doug said. “Let’s sit here, love.” He slid his arm through hers and they went to the big couch. The familiar feeling of contentment filled Beth.

  “Got this,” Adam said, showing her a little sand bucket and shovel. So that was where the sand had come from. He was slightly sunburned and beaming with pleasure from his afternoon at the beach with Doug.

  “Daddy, I want to show you my new things,” Kayla said happily. She began to take her new garments out of their wrappings. Beth watched as she showed off their purchases. Doug looked pleased and relaxed. Well, maybe all her efforts were worth it. She moved slightly closer to him, taking his hand in hers.

  When Kayla finished, she said, “And Beth, you’re not doing another thing today. I’m going to fix dinner for us. Come on, Adam. Help Mommy fix dinner. And don’t you two move a muscle,” she commanded, picking Adam up from the window seat and hugging him.

  Things were going to work out, really they were, Beth assured herself.

  “Guess what,” Doug said, as Kayla went out with Adam.

  “What?”

  He kissed her lightly. “I think one more session and Shilshole Bay plus the across-the-water skyline, plus the houseboats and the beach, and the painting will be finished.”

  “Wonderful. You’re doing such a great job with that.”

  “Yeah,” he said contentedly. “I feel good about that picture. I think it may be one of my better efforts. And Adam was a great little companion, too. He stuck around and didn’t wander off. I had to stop now and then to admire his sand bucket or some shell or rock, but he really got a kick out of being at the beach. And guess what else.”

  “What?” She laughed.

  “I met our pastor. He was out running. I guess that’s how he stays so lean. Anyhow, he stopped—you know how runners are. He was stretching this way and that while we talked, and I invited him to dinner here Sunday night. Was that okay?”

  “Of course it was okay.” She laughed again with sheer happiness. Being with Doug made life so perfect.

  “And you know what else?” Doug asked, sounding smug.

  “No, but you’re going to tell me.”

  “Yep. He asked about Kayla and wanted to know how she was doing. So I said, so far so good. I explained that she was going to start AA. And he said a few things that made me think he knows something about substance dependency.”

  “Well, he mentioned to me that he had worked with addicted people before he came here,” Beth said, lifting Doug’s big hand to her lips for a moment. Oh, it was so good to be alone with Doug at last.

  “And I got the very distinct feeling while I was talking to Pastor Cooper that he’s interested in Kayla.” He paused impressively. “I mean, not only helping her if he could, but interested. Like in boy meets girl. What do you think of that?”

  “Oh, Doug, no!”

  “What do you mean, ‘Oh, Doug, no’?” He straightened and withdrew his hand, looking annoyed. “Kayla is a lovely, unmarried young woman and he’s a nice, decent, unmarried guy. What’s wrong with that picture?”

  Beth, go carefully here, she told herself. He’s defensive and protective. She paused a moment, trying to collect her thoughts. How could she say this kindly?

  “I suddenly remembered Cyrus’s wife before she died some years ago,” Beth said carefully. “She came with him to our church and they worked together, but it was her supporting him, in the background. Ours is a medium-size congregation. Cyrus’s wife worked full time helping out, always sort of behind the scenes. A minister is coping with a dozen different things every day, Doug. That’s a stressful job, but their wives can�
��t afford to be stressed. In a church congregation there is always something going on, something brewing, one group in disagreement with another…about many things. I’m just saying that Kayla is vulnerable.”

  She tried to choose her words carefully, because Doug’s face had become closed and remote. Was he angry? Was he rejecting everything she said? She swallowed her impatience and went on.

  “Please understand I’m not saying anything negative about Kayla. I agree, she is a lovely person, but she’s a lovely person with a serious problem. She’s got more than she can cope with right now. Don’t you see? A demanding relationship that might end in another marriage would put too much strain on her. And it wouldn’t be fair to Pastor Cooper, either. She’s made a beginning. She’s trying. I saw that today.” His face remained blank. For an intelligent man he did have his blind spots. Hurriedly, she continued.

  “She was so excited about her new clothes. She immediately told me she wanted to start looking for a job. She wants to work, to be self-sufficient. That’s certainly good thinking. I was impressed.”

  “What kind of job?” he asked, getting up from the couch and going over to the window, looking out, with his back to her. She was at a disadvantage now, not being able to see his face, but she went doggedly on.

  “She’s qualified for clerical work. And she had such a good, positive attitude. She says she will register at some temp agency, taking only temporary jobs first, not committing for a long term. She knows she isn’t ready to plunge into any long-term commitment.” She got up and followed him to the window and slid her arm through his. “Don’t you see? Don’t you think that’s a good idea? About getting a job? But one thing at a time.”

  “No.”

  “No, you don’t think it’s a good idea? Why on earth not?” It took an effort to keep her voice calm. This was a side to Doug she hadn’t seen before.

  “Because here at home she has some supervision. But going out every day? Meeting people? Coping with job hassles? Beth, Kayla is an alcoholic. That means she can’t even take one drink without losing control. What happens if there is an office party? I know my daughter. It’s best she stay out of the workplace. For now, anyway, away from any job pressure. Pastor Cooper is a good man, steady, dedicated. If he is interested in her, this may be her one chance at salvation, and I don’t mean that in a religious sense. I don’t know why you can’t see it.”

  “I don’t see it because it isn’t there,” Beth said evenly, trying to hold back sudden anger. How could he be so dense!

  “And Pastor Cooper has had experience dealing with substance dependency. He’ll know how to proceed. He’ll understand her difficulty,” Doug continued, seeming to ignore what she had just said.

  Beth looked up into his grim face and mentally counted to ten. Then twenty. When Doug had first come to the Pacific Northwest to follow his passion for painting beautiful landscapes and had chosen to stay at her B and B, he hadn’t been inside a church for years. He was just now coming to see and appreciate faith as part of his life. He hadn’t known Cyrus and his late wife, Adelaide, when they first came to lead the congregation. He didn’t know—couldn’t know—the constant demands on a pastor’s time, on his wife’s time. The pastor and his wife did a constant balancing act, serving the people in the church. She could hear in her mind quite plainly Adelaide’s laughing comment one hectic day: “When the church hires a pastor, it’s getting two for the price of one.”

  They—both of them—had to be there, for helping, for counseling, for comforting, for simply lending a hand as needed when anyone was in trouble.

  Memories crowded into her mind—when Ralph died and she felt so guilty because she had never loved Ralph as he had loved her. And when Katie, right after her first husband died, cried, “Why did God do this?” Cyrus, and Adelaide, had been there to help Katie through it. A pastor’s wife cannot be a woman with a problem.

  “Doug, has Kayla ever even been in a church? What is her faith? Has she any faith?” These questions came tumbling out, and even as she said them she knew they were the wrong questions. She was making Doug angry, and she really didn’t care. He was wrong and he should have sense enough to know it.

  “I doubt if Kayla has a ‘faith,’ as you put it. Her mother and I were never churchgoers.” He spoke stiffly. “Do you see this as a problem?”

  “Yes. If,” Beth said in an icy tone, “she begins a relationship with a man whose whole life is his faith. Then, yes, I see it as a problem. I see an endless list of problems. And if you weren’t clutching at straws, you’d see it, too. A pastor’s wife has to be stable. Steady. Wise. And I mean steady in the real sense of the word. Strong. Patient. All the things that Kayla is not.” She could feel herself beginning to shake, she was so angry. “Don’t you see it? The best thing Kayla can do is what she herself suggested. Get a job. That could be her salvation. That could be the best stabilizing force for her.” The sudden change of expression in Doug’s eyes stopped her, and she turned around.

  Kayla, carrying Adam, was standing in the doorway. She looked stricken. Beth felt a quick rush of embarrassment. That she had lost her temper, and that Kayla had heard it. It really wasn’t fair. Kayla had enough to worry about without learning she had caused a quarrel.

  “Look, Kayla,” Beth said. “Don’t pay any attention to us. Sometimes we have these little domestic rows. It means nothing. Don’t tell me you’ve got something to eat already.”

  “Yes,” Kayla said diffidently. “Between your freezer and your microwave I’ve put together a pretty good spread. Come on. I’ve laid it all out in the kitchen.”

  “Fine. Thanks,” Beth said. The look of complete defeat in Kayla’s pretty eyes made her feel guilty, but guilty with an underlying anger that she felt guilty at all.

  “Come on, then. Let’s eat,” she said brightly, feeling she would probably choke on whatever it was.

  Chapter Seven

  She hugged Kayla briefly. Doug picked up his cue and came forward, too.

  “Great. Beth and I have our little disagreements. Come on, let’s eat.” He reached out for Adam and Adam came to him. Together they all went into the kitchen.

  “I, uh, hope you like what I fixed.”

  “Fine,” Beth said. She would have agreed to anything to relieve the tension. Now, how in the world would she break the news to Kayla that Doug didn’t want her to look for a job? Doug took the matter into his own hands after they had finished the meal.

  “Kayla, Beth was telling me about your job idea. Do you really think you’re ready for that?”

  “Ready for it?” Kayla echoed. “I guess so. Do you think I’m not?”

  “Well, you’ll be starting with AA. I think it’s a good idea at the right time, certainly. But why don’t you wait awhile longer? Say, a month or two? Maybe when you feel you’ve gotten a good grip on things, when you feel more confident. What do you think?”

  Beth gritted her teeth but kept silent.

  “Well,” Kayla said uncertainly. “I guess maybe you’re right. So far I have a perfect score in making wrong decisions. Maybe I should wait awhile. I could help out here?” She made it a question and looked at Beth, anxiety in her expressive eyes.

  “I could use the help,” Beth said carefully, “since Doug thinks you shouldn’t take on a full-time job yet.” Or was that the wrong thing to say? Maybe she’d better talk to Pastor Cooper, get some background on what to do. Maybe Pastor Cooper would agree with her and could convince Doug. Maybe they should both talk to Pastor Cooper. They might get the chance when he came to dinner on Sunday. In the meantime Beth didn’t offer any more advice on helping Kayla—since Doug was being so pig-headed. Kayla was his daughter, after all. She had to ask herself how she would have taken it if Jill or Kate had a problem and someone else offered advice. Doug seemed willing to smooth things over, too.

  Thursday morning Kayla helped with the B and B housekeeping tasks as she had before. The first little flaw came when Doug picked up Adam’s dyed, red high-topped
shoes and brought them home. He had almost finished the Shilshole Bay painting, too, and was pleased about that.

  Adam liked the color but much preferred his red sneakers. He apparently didn’t like the way the high-tops felt.

  “How come you got him these?” Kayla asked, taking them off him to put on the regular sneakers. “He says he wants these.”

  Beth told her what the doctor had said about his pronated ankle.

  “How come you took him to the doctor when he wasn’t sick?”

  “I thought it would be good for him to have just a routine checkup,” Beth said. Then she went on to tell Kayla what else Dr. Fletcher had said, trying not to imply any criticism, but Kayla inferred it.

  “I guess I’m a lousy mother,” Kayla said dolefully. “I didn’t realize he was underweight. I just figured that little kids are, uh, little. I guess I get too involved in my own problems to get too uptight about his. I guess I never should have had kids in the first place.” After a long pause, she added, “I miss Becky sometimes. I sure blew it there.”

  Reminded of her difficulties with her former husband, Frank Hughes, Beth asked, “Have you told your father yet about the money you owe? On that child support?” She didn’t want to start another quarrel with Doug.

  “Oh, Beth, don’t. Not yet. I will. I promise.”

  And Beth didn’t say anything else. She had to talk to Pastor Cooper. She had to talk to somebody. She was completely out of her depth with Kayla and Doug.

  When she got a spare moment she called Bessie at the church, only to learn that Pastor Cooper was involved in a series of meetings with the Elders and others about his new ministry. They were discussing his supervising the church school, Gilmartin Academy, of getting settled in his new apartment, of helping Cyrus’s relatives with Cyrus’s small estate matters and the many things that take up a pastor’s time. She couldn’t bother him yet with their problems. Perhaps a little later. Or perhaps when he came to dinner on Sunday. Yes, definitely, she would speak to him on Sunday whether Doug wanted her to or not.