September Love Page 12

  “Yes, there is,” Pastor Cooper said quietly. “Usually it’s the male parent who defaults because the courts used to give children to the mother, but now fathers are often granted custody. So it works both ways.”

  Doug was silent, which worried Beth. She could sense his resentment that she had kept Kayla’s confidence and hadn’t told him.

  “Poor Kayla,” Pastor Cooper murmured. As he said it, they heard the back door shut.

  “Hi. Anybody out there?” It was Kayla. “Is the preacher gone?” In the dusk they could see Kayla coming toward them. She looked like a lovely wraith in the semi-darkness, wearing one of her new outfits, a casual swishy skirt of light green jersey topped by an embroidered sweater in the same shade. She was talking easily. “Adam zonked out so I left him asleep in the bed-sitter. We had burgers and I took him to a park and…” Her voice trailed off.

  Pastor Cooper and Doug stood up.

  “I’m afraid the preacher is still here,” Pastor Cooper said, not quite smiling, his eyes on Kayla.

  “You’ve met my daughter,” Doug said awkwardly. The derision in Kayla’s tone at the word “preacher” would have been hard to miss.

  “Oh,” Kayla said, “I think I’ve offended the clergy. What do I get for that? Fifty lashes or being burned at the stake?” She was quite drunk. “And you know what else? I have this strange feeling that if I don’t sit down I’m gonna fall down. One of you guys will have to give me a chair.”

  “Sit here,” Doug said grimly, and Kayla went unsteadily to Doug’s chair and sat down.

  “Lovely feeling, sitting down. Lovely evening.” She leaned back against the headrest, looking dreamily at the evening sky. “One nice thing about Kayla,” she added, “is that Kayla is a happy drunk. We went to this nice park, see. Adam and me. Seattle is full of these little neighborhood parks. And I pushed him in a swing. He was so thrilled, and pretty soon I got tired and when I get tired I get thirsty and there was this nice vendor who was selling cold beers.” She closed her eyes. “It only takes one these days.”

  “I’m sorry,” Doug said to Pastor Cooper.

  “Doesn’t matter. She said it all, Doug.” Pastor Cooper’s voice was gentle. “She said ‘happy drunk.’ When people need happiness badly they take it any way they can. Let’s not pass judgment. It’s not our place.” He didn’t need to speak so softly because Kayla’s eyes had closed and she seemed to have fallen asleep.

  Beth glanced sharply at the pastor. Doug had been right. Pastor Cooper was attracted to Kayla. The expression on his face seemed to say that clearly. Oh, surely not!

  “Now what?” Doug was asking.

  “I think I’ll get Kayla inside,” Beth said. “It’s getting chilly out here. Kayla, come on, honey. I’ll help you.” And she roused Kayla from Doug’s chair.

  Kayla awoke at Beth’s touch. “Okay,” she said agreeably. “Okay. Good idea. Beddy-bye sounds fine to me.” Standing, she turned to Pastor Cooper. “Sorry about my goof,” she said. “No offense, okay?”

  “None taken,” Pastor Cooper said softly. “Good night, Kayla.”

  Once inside it took Beth half an hour to get the sofa bed down, and both Adam and Kayla in it. She was a little breathless when it was done. When will this end, Lord?

  She found both men in the living room, deep in conversation. She sat down on the settee beside Doug.

  “Flip was just giving me some good advice. You’ve heard the phrase ‘tough love’?”

  “Yes, of course,” Beth said, looking at the pastor.

  “It’s not easy,” Pastor Cooper said, “but in Kayla’s situation it may be your best course now. I’ll talk to her if you and Doug want me to, and if Kayla agrees. Doug thinks I could help.”

  “We haven’t been doing too well,” Beth said carefully.

  “If she’ll talk with me, I can advise you better,” Pastor Cooper said. “Doug thinks she will when she’s sober. Tomorrow she’ll feel embarrassed, contrite. She’ll be eager to make peace, to atone, as it were. It would be a good time to press your point, if that’s what you want. Have you noticed that she’s been self-condemning?”

  Both answered at once.

  “Yes,” Doug said.

  “Very much so,” Beth said, and added, “She can’t say anything good about herself.”

  “This is sometimes a ploy for sympathy, but sometimes it can be a beginning, the acceptance of the idea that it’s her fault. The fact that she wanted to enter rehab, even if it failed, was the first step. Now that she is resisting the AA program, maybe individual counseling could help. I’ve had some success before. With dependency nothing can be accomplished without the willingness of the dependent person—if you can get it. Often addicted people vacillate. They hate to lose their one escape hatch.”

  “I understand,” Doug said, and Beth nodded.

  After Pastor Cooper left, Doug turned to Beth. “Since when do we keep secrets from each other? Why didn’t you tell me about Kayla’s money problem with Hughes?” His voice was cold.

  “She asked me not to,” Beth answered. “She wanted to tell you herself.” She could feel the beginning of his anger. Not another quarrel.

  “Would it surprise you to learn that she has not told me? Look, Beth, Kayla’s my responsibility. I don’t take too kindly to the idea that you and Kayla have these little woman-to-woman talks, shutting me out.”

  “If Kayla is your responsibility, why was I the one who spent half an hour putting her to bed? No, scratch that. I didn’t mean to snap. But we weren’t shutting you out, as you put it.” Beth tried to keep her voice calm when she was feeling anything but. “We were downtown shopping and she just…just spilled it. Then she was sorry afterward that she’d said so much. It occurred to her she didn’t want you to know. She did promise me she would tell you. If she hasn’t, that’s not my problem, Doug.”

  He didn’t answer for a long time, looking stonily down at the carpet. “Okay,” he said grudgingly. “But don’t do it again. Please. That’s probably what’s stopping her from going into AA.” He looked up. “Maybe Pastor Cooper can help, but that’s not what really bothers me. Once again, I’ve played it my own way. I should have tried to make amends to Kayla. I should have helped her somehow. Instead I just grabbed at this chance for happiness for myself. I had no right to enter into a second marriage. No right at all.”

  A sudden chill went through Beth. No! Don’t start regretting our marriage! Don’t ever regret that!

  Chapter Eight

  Beth lay awake long after Doug lay sleeping beside her. Their lovemaking had had a kind of fierce desperation to it, as if it were something they must snatch in passing. Nor did she feel that sense of permanence, of security she was accustomed to feeling. The feeling that she had at last found her true safe haven with Doug. It troubled her deeply, and she strained to see his sleeping face more clearly in the semi-dark room—the strong jawline, the tousled hair.

  There was a murmur and rustle from the child monitor that she had turned on in case Kayla, in her alcohol-drugged sleep, did not wake up if Adam needed her. Beth was right, for she had to go down twice to attend to the boy herself.

  In the morning she had no idea how much sleep she had managed to get. She was only fifty—she shouldn’t be starting the day feeling bone-tired. Fifty-year-old people were in their prime. Weren’t they? But she was dealing with the stress of the Kayla problem.

  Doug was already downstairs when she hurried into the kitchen. He was busy with the breakfast preparations, and she joined him.

  “You look beat, Beth. Maybe all this is too much.”

  “Not at all,” she said, assuming a brisk tone. She wouldn’t mention that Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

  He answered her unasked question. “I looked in the bed-sitter. Kayla’s still asleep, and so’s Adam. I’ll go get him in a little while.”

  When breakfast had been served and the guests were all at the table, he slipped away. He came back shortly with Adam, looking very cute in one of his new
T-shirts, pants and red high-topped shoes.

  Kayla didn’t come out until after all the guests were gone. Beth was on her way up to do the bedrooms. Adam followed along contentedly, bringing a bright book from the toy box.

  “Hi, Beth,” Kayla said, not meeting her eyes. “I’m so sorry about yesterday,” she added humbly.

  “Well, I guess these things happen,” Beth said. She made an effort to be understanding, but couldn’t help but wonder how anyone could lose control of her life as completely as Kayla had. “Why don’t you go and have some coffee and muffins? There’s juice in the fridge. I’m going to do the beds.”

  “I’ll…I’ll help you,” Kayla said, starting for the stairs. “I can’t even think of food yet. Okay?” Then she added, “Where’s Dad? I guess he’s going to be furious.”

  “He’s going to deliver the Shilshole Bay painting to the bank. I think you’d better at least have some juice and coffee.”

  “Okay,” Kayla agreed listlessly.

  She joined Beth upstairs a few minutes later. Beth tried to keep up a friendly conversation, but Kayla only answered absently, and finally Beth fell silent. When the last bed was made, Beth felt a rush of relief as she heard the front door shut. Doug was back.

  Kayla gave a deep sigh. “I guess I’ll go down and face the music. Was he very mad last night?”

  “He was…disappointed,” Beth hedged. “But I guess he does want to talk to you.” When was this bad dream going to end?

  Kayla grimaced. “That’s the understatement of the century. Wish me luck.” With dragging steps, she started downstairs, and Adam was pulling at Beth’s skirt, holding out his book. He had waited patiently through the bed making and tidy-ups for her to read to him. With a surge of affection, she couldn’t resist picking him up and hugging him. She chose to read him his story in the big chair in the back bedroom. In case voices were raised again in the bed-sitter, he needn’t be upset about it. There was a feeling of contentment and quiet joy in feeling his little body nestle into her lap, intent on the adventures depicted on the colorful pages. He made a point of being ready to turn the page each time she came to the end of one and paused. When the third story had been read, it was past noon. Beth regretfully shut the book.

  “We’d better go downstairs now, Adam.”

  “Okay, Gamma Beff.” And he scrambled down from her lap. Had he felt just a little bit heavier this time? Had he perhaps started to gain some weight?

  She found Doug in his basement workroom. Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

  “Where’s Kayla?” she asked, putting Adam down. He scurried over to Doug, watching him intently. He was becoming more secure with them by the day. Doug finished putting away some leftover bits of framing and brushed his hands together.

  “In the bed-sitter,” he said slowly. “She took it rather well. She agreed to talk with Pastor Cooper. I felt like a bully. That ‘tough love’ is tougher to apply than I thought. She seemed so beaten. But I stuck to it.”

  “I suppose that’s best,” Beth said. “Do you know when she’s going to see him?” A brief flash of light came through the basement window, and they both paused, waiting for the distant roll of thunder to follow. Eventually it did.

  “I guess the storm front is moving in before Tuesday,” Doug said, grinning. “Good old Seattle weather. To answer your question, I called Pastor Cooper, and he has an hour free between two and three. So she agreed, and I’ll drive her over to the church. I can keep busy there until they’ve had their talk, and I’ll bring her back.” He didn’t need to add that, after yesterday, he didn’t want to let Kayla go anywhere by herself.

  When they left just before two, Kayla looked desperate. Beth couldn’t help feeling sorry for her.

  “Bye, bye, baby,” Kayla said to Adam. “Kiss Mommy goodbye and go wave to me from your window.” She bent over to kiss Adam’s upturned little face, after which he ran into the bed-sitter and scrambled up onto the window seat, pushing aside the curtain.

  Beth felt a sense of satisfaction. Adam no longer cried and had a tantrum when Kayla left, because he knew she was coming back.

  This is good for Adam. Adam has a home. Please, God, let this work out for Adam’s sake, for Doug’s sake, and for Kayla’s sake, too.

  Adam seemed content for the time being to kneel on his window seat looking outside at the splashing rain, so Beth decided to catch up on her knitting and went to get her knitting bag. Before Adam and Kayla’s arrival she had spent one afternoon a week with a group of churchwomen called ‘The Pastor’s Aid.’ They knitted, crocheted and sewed baby layettes for sale at the church bazaar each autumn. All the money raised from this went to the Pastor’s Discretionary Fund, so when he needed to spend small amounts of money for this or that charitable purpose, he didn’t need to ask the Elders. She missed the friendly gathering and had promised herself that she’d continue with her knitting at home whenever she could, but it was slow going with the increased demands on her time. She glanced over at the small boy, peering out the rain-streaked window. Adam is worth it. She had to do what she could for him until they left.

  Doug and Kayla came home a little after three, and Doug found Beth in the kitchen. Adam was still down for his nap.

  She glanced up. “Where’s Kayla?” she asked, then, “How’d it go?”

  “In the bed-sitter. I think things went okay. I didn’t sit in, of course. But, coming home, Kayla said he gave her a lot to think about, which could mean anything, I guess. But I’m hoping for the best. He said he’d call me later. Can you get along without me for a while? The bank called me on my cell phone.”

  “Doesn’t the bank like the picture of Shilshole?” Beth asked in alarm. She knew Doug already had plans for the large check that he had received. He needed more framing materials and other supplies.

  “They loved the picture,” Doug said smugly. “In fact, they loved it so much, they want another one.”

  “You’re kidding.” Beth fairly beamed at him. It was almost as it had been in the beginning—just the two of them, before Kayla complicated their lives.

  “Nope. The branch manager is retiring, and they have collected money to buy him a retirement gift. The gift committee has now decided that it will get him an original painting of the Pacific Northwest as a memento—since he is retiring to Arizona,” he added.

  “Oh, Doug. That’s wonderful!”

  “I’m going down to talk to them about possible subjects or places to paint, but don’t get your hopes up too high. It’s a committee, don’t forget, and it may take them ten years of argument to settle on what I’m supposed to paint.”

  Laughing, she saw him off.

  Kayla must have watched him go from the bed-sitter window, because she came quietly out when he had gone.

  “How’d things go, Kayla?” Beth couldn’t resist asking. “Let’s sit down in here,” she said, going into the living room.

  “Well, I listened like a good girl to Preacher-man,” Kayla said, sitting down beside Beth on the settee. “I kept reminding myself he’s a preacher, trying not to think of him as the good-looking guy he is.”

  “He’s really nice,” Beth said. “I’ve gotten to know him better now.”

  “He is very nice,” Kayla agreed somberly. “No fire-and-brimstone. A really nice guy and nobody’s fool. He…he understands a lot. He has an uncanny way of reading between the lines. He’s…” She paused for a long time. “He’s not somebody who can be conned.”

  “Well, you wouldn’t try to con him,” Beth said, hoping she was right.

  “No. I wouldn’t,” Kayla said thoughtfully. She smiled weakly. “It’s just that we, uh, drunks usually try a con first. Then, if that one doesn’t work, we can usually think of another. Anything to put off the fateful day, whatever that is at that particular time. But you’re right. I didn’t try to put him off. I don’t think it would have worked anyhow. Have you ever noticed how…searching his eyes can be? I guess not. You wouldn’t have had occasion to— Is that Adam getting
up?” They both paused to listen, but heard nothing more.

  “He’s not married, is he?” Kayla resumed.

  “No, he’s not,” Beth said cautiously.

  “I thought not. He had that way of a single guy on guard, you know what I mean. A single guy who is used to being targeted by lonely single women and doesn’t want to be snagged. He’s probably got great avoidance skills.”

  “A pastor is a target. After Cyrus’s wife passed away, it took the single women at church a long time to get the message that he wasn’t going to remarry in the foreseeable future. Do you think Pastor Cooper was helpful about it—your difficulty?” Beth added, trying to be tactful.

  “Very,” Kayla said promptly. “He’s done his homework on my particular ‘difficulty,’ as you call it. He sort of laid out everything for me—what I could do, what was available to me, what was needed from me as a person—that was scary—and what my life could become if I made a success of it this time around. I wish…” She fell silent, looking pensively down at the carpet.

  “Well, that sounds hopeful.”

  Kayla looked up. “It does, doesn’t it? Then he wanted me to talk, and I managed to open up. That’s not ever easy for me. I’ve had a lot of practice keeping things to myself.” She paused and her eyes seemed wet. She ducked her head. “Anyhow, he’s easy to talk to, in a way. I guess he’s had a lot of listening practice. I think he…understood a lot of the things I didn’t have the guts to say. I guess I probably had the same problems other drunks have had. Maybe we all fit into a pattern. He didn’t seem surprised at anything I did say. Anyhow…” Her voice dwindled away. She gave a little shiver. “I think I’ll need to go back into that rehab place. And I’ve got to do it in time so Dad won’t lose all that money he paid out up front.”